Saying goodbye to the ‘little years’
This has been on my heart to share for a long time, but I’ve struggled to face my feelings and put them in writing: My baby girl is growing up!
Our Abigail is a vibrant, enthusiastic 6 1/2 year old—halfway through 1st grade with the wiggly teeth, 6 year molars, long legs, and zest for life to show for it. She’s tackling reading, fractions & American history, bathing herself, fixing her own hair (“I wanna do it myself Mom”), and doing household chores with great gusto. It’s wild how much is changing so quickly!
As her mama, I’ve had a hard time coming to terms with this. With each new milestone, I’m further in disbelief. How did this happen so fast? What happened to my baby girl?!
Wasn’t it just yesterday that…
I nursed her for 2+ years — the sweetest bond I’ve experienced in my lifetime?
She wore all her tiny little toddler clothes (now in bins, new homes, or her new sister’s nursery)?
She needed lots of gadgets to help her “be a big girl”? (Now tucked away for our next baby).
She wanted to wear pink sparkly princess attire, even to the store? (Now it’s blue or purple, sporty, & all things “Ninja”)!
She danced with store mannequins and admired their outfits? (lol!)
Every new day brings new lessons learned, new skills, words, or knowledge. No longer can her Daddy and I spell words out loud to speak “in code” around her… that went by the wayside last year. She picks up on nuances in conversation that would’ve gone over her head at 4 years old.
When did she stop being a toddler who couldn’t wipe herself? A preschooler who couldn’t reach the faucet? A little girl who needed our help rubbing in her shampoo & washing it all out? When did she stop wearing her angel/butterfly wings around the house? These things feel like they JUST changed, some in recent months.
We were there for it all, yet her young life seems to have flashed before our eyes so fast.
They say babies don’t keep, and it’s true. And I wouldn’t want to keep her little forever (okay, maybe a small part of me haha). I look back at her baby & toddler years and laugh at how adorably cute she was. How recent that seems, yet so long ago.
And she’s not even close to fully grown! Some days I’m reminded that she’s still very much a little girl, and I’m so thankful I haven’t missed it. These years are still unfolding and tangible. Other days I marvel at when she learned grown-up phrases, how to write well (making little illustrated books with cute plotlines), how to handle knives/scissors with care, or suddenly became able to do wild flips on the trampoline.
Saying ‘goodbye’ to her little years means constantly living in the tension of who she was, who she is today, and who she’s growing up to be. It’s a weird limbo that I don’t know will ever feel natural or comfortable.
And one day in the (hopefully far-off) future, we’ll be dealing with boys, puberty, peer pressure, and borrowing mama’s shoes for real (though she’s tried to fit into them for years)! For now, I’ll take the sweet handwritten notes (with an occasional backwards letter), silly little girl squabbles, inspiring confidence & lack of self-doubt, messy art projects, and crawling into our bed when she’s scared.
I treasure her precious innocence still…
How she tries my shoes, scarves, & makeup on and wears them around the house.
When she makes colorful cards decorated with stamps & stickers for friends, neighbors, & even people she’s just met (like coloring pages for our waitress & my friend the other day!)… things she may be timid to do in later years.
When she asks why people don’t believe in Jesus, or go to church, or aren’t kind.
How she talks about our babies in heaven as such a reality (because they are!).
The way she asks about many topics in the world with childlike wonder & honesty!
When she gets scared at night, she still wants to crawl in bed with mommy and daddy as her comfort blankets.
The sweet way she gives care packages to our neighbor who’s been struggling with her health & how these gifts/cards/candy always seem to be “right on time”.
How she still wants to hold my hand or have Daddy carry her upstairs to bed (or downstairs some mornings).
When she dances without a second thought, no matter where she is, and doesn’t worry what people think.
The way she dresses herself exactly how she wants to most days & how good her sense of style’s always been!
How she’s started doing her own hair and, though a bit uneven at times, it turns out really cute.
Hearing her use her imagination with her friends and cousins and getting everyone excited about whatever she is.
Seeing her learn new physical skills—gymnastics moves, splits (oh she loves to do these lol!), sprinting, and flips on the trampoline.
I just adore her, period. She is a joy to be around and a true delight. She’s SO energetic, often thoughtful, very insightful, naturally happy, funny, fast-paced, and lighthearted. She loves to bring people together and make things happen! And she definitely wants to experience all there is to life—no sitting on the sidelines for anything.
She’s growing in her maturity this year by leaps & bounds! Asking questions about her faith & the Lord. She’s also becoming so responsible—making her lunch for homeschool coop, taking care of her bunnies (rain/shine/freezing/hot/convenient & usually not very), cleaning more after herself, being my right-hand helper, & taking ownership of her room, toys, jewelry, & art.
In short… she’s blossoming into her own person! And I love to see it. She’s still very young & little, standing just under 4 feet tall (but boy does she measure often to see when she’ll gain that extra 1/2”!) and a little over 50 pounds. All her shorts are becoming too tiny to wear in public, and we’ve crossed the kids’ aisles at Target and Old Navy to the “big little girls” section!
She’s able to do more around the house and accepting responsibility with a better attitude, and she’s SO ready to become a big sister!
A Childhood to Remember
I often look out the window—as I do on this beautiful, brisk, sunshiney January day—and see her running around with the kids next door, having the time of her life, laughing her heart out, yelling, playing with walkie talkies, doing her Ninja course and zipline with them, or playing on the swings together without a care in the world.
Her name, Abigail Love, means bringer of joy and love (the 1st two fruits of the Spirit), and already in her 6+ years of life she’s done that so much! I call her my “koala bear” and “cuddle queen” because she is an expert at snuggling and is so affectionate.
Trying to capture a child’s life in a snapshot—at any one point in their life—seems to never do them justice. Kids are God’s precious creation, and no words or photos could ever come close to describing what life is like with yours.
They make life so much brighter, sweeter, funnier, more simple, and real. Where we adults have gotten caught up in things that don’t matter or living in the past/future too much, kids enjoy what is and try to extract as much joy as they can from each moment.
Sure, we must teach them discipline and perseverance and limits, but letting them just LIVE LIFE FULLY is so awesome! It’s a wonderful reminder of what we all used to do: Embracing the moment, playing as often as we breathe, and surrounding ourselves with anyone who wants to play (without discussing belief systems or ideologies) — just accepting people as they are & never thinking twice that we wouldn’t be in return.
A Message for Our Little Girl
I want Abigail to always remember, should she read these words one day, what a PRECIOUS treasure she is to the Lord, her Daddy and I, our whole extended family, and the many people whose lives she’s already touched with her kindness and funness :) and her homemade cards and thoughtful deeds.
Who said kids can’t change the world? They can change the worlds around them, just like you & I, by just being themselves and being faithful to listen to our heavenly Father’s whispers each day to help or bless someone in some way.
Children remind us not to take any day for granted, that each one has something special about it that is to be seized, and to love people better. They encourage us to embrace our creativity—even if it’s not “mainstream” (because they haven’t learned what this is yet)—and to not be constrained by public opinion and social ‘norms’.
Kids remind us of what life looks like lived freely, authentically, and happily, without overthinking things or coloring inside someone else’s lines ~ something we all could use more of I’m sure!
I love my daughter. She is a priceless treasure in our lives, and she’s forever changed ours in so many ways. She’s certainly a “bright flame” as one girl described her (my friend Christine’s daughter!) and a force to be reckoned with. I love the way she fully engages with life or whatever activity she’s involved in without fear, hesitation, or wavering confidence.
I love the way she often tackles new things without self-doubt, fully assured success is imminent (Lol!).
She is our fiery redhead, our “warrior princess” as her Gigi called her as a toddler, “the general” (as my family’s called her), and future CEO (as my Dad and her former preschool staff said haha!). God has sure made her for something special, something that involves fierce determination (oh how her Daddy & I know how deeply determined she is!! And how it has threatened to wear us down completely at times hahah), great wisdom and insight, a helpful heart, eager hands, and a heart of kindness.
I look forward to seeing more of her life and journey unfold as her Mama. I am so thankful to have such a close-up role to play, and I’ve certainly agonized most nights that I would be a great mom and teach her all the right things and for God to cover my weaknesses and character flaws.
Motherhood surely is humbling and eye-opening. It reveals where you need to change, but I’m thankful for the opportunity to grow to be a better person—a person a lot more like my younger self—a young blonde girl who just wanted to encourage people, be kind and uplift the hurting, desired to never judge, and wanted to be a source of laughter and joy to others.
A little girl who reminds me a LOT of the little one I’m raising.
A Mama’s Prayer
I pray Abigail always retains her beautiful heart, spirit, and joy for life—her inward and outer beauty. I pray she never forgets WHO she is and how BIG her Daddy in heaven is! I pray fear never dictates her life or decisions, and that she lives boldly and fiercely the path God’s ordained for her just as she is… her true, real self and a beautiful reflection of God’s heart and His fierce protection over others.
I pray He continues to surround her with the right people, in the right places & circumstances, learning the right things ALL the days of her life. That she may wholeheartedly and completely fulfill her God-given destiny.
I pray NOTHING deters her nor that the enemy entangle her in ANY SIN or HURT or bad company to throw her off course. That she won’t be swayed and she W I L L fulfill His full call on her life in every measure in Jesus’ name!!
I pray as her parents, we also will lead the way and do the same in the mighty name of Jesus, and that we will pave the path and make hers easier because of our obedience.
Thank You Father for the privilege of raising children and helping us understand a whole lot more about Your heart for us and others. Help us to truly treasure and delight in our kids—to celebrate them in all their uniqueness and to see the special gifts and heart You’ve planted in them so we can help cultivate them properly.
Help us NOT to take for granted any longer any day we’re given with these precious treasures You’ve given to us to steward, mold, shape and disciple more into Your image (we hope and pray). Help us to do an outstanding job so their lives are much more blessed because of it.
Encourage us, Father, along each stretch of our parenting journeys with each child You’ve given us. May we be a blessing to them, may You grant us incredible wisdom and insight in how to properly disciple and train them up in You!, and may we always have a beautiful connection with our kids all the days of their lives in Jesus’ name.
And mostly importantly—may we point them to You and may their hearts be open, softened, and receptive to YOUR Spirit Father, to Your voice and influence, and to receiving You and sharing You wherever they go. Thank You Lord in Jesus’ name we pray, amen.